May 2013
1 post
8 tags
“You can think of yourself, if you’re expecting a C, as a hobbit. If...”
– Prof. D.
April 2013
4 posts
4 tags
“Student: I feel like I use the word “inherently” too much when I...”
– J.S. (Grad Student Instructor)
7 tags
“Now let’s talk about STDs. Just in time for the weekend!”
– Dr. Z.
6 tags
“Your chances of being a total genetic match with someone are 1 in 70 trillion....”
– Dr. Z.
7 tags
Student: Have you ever smoked marijuana?
Prof. D.: Are you asking me? I got here in the 1968, and I had long hair. I've been arrested. I've been tear-gassed. I've spent a night in the Berkeley jail. There are things about me that you don't know and don't want to know.
March 2013
4 posts
5 tags
“Lose, lose, lose, lose. You’re a loser.”
– Prof. D.
7 tags
“Don’t smoke cigarettes. Unless you’re faded. Then it’s ok,...”
– N.A. (Grad Student Instructor)
6 tags
“Please don’t pass out, because that would interrupt the lecture.”
– Prof. D.
5 tags
“In math, 3! doesn’t mean “THREE OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS!”
– Prof. D.
February 2013
9 posts
9 tags
“Los Angeles is full of stars, but Alpha Centauri is not one of them.”
– Prof. D.
7 tags
“There are people in the world that never let the facts get in the way of a...”
– Prof. D.
5 tags
“I have to strike a balance between showing how to solve problems in class and...”
– Prof. D.
8 tags
“Desire just cheats you. It’s like a sunbeam skipping here and there about...”
– F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and Damned
8 tags
Prof. D.: I'm sorry about the temperature in here.
Student: Can we open the windows?
Prof. D.: I don't think these ones can be opened.
Student: Can we break them?
Prof. D.: Are there any actors in the room? Anyone from the drama department? Because maybe if a student blacked out and the ambulances came the registrar would give us a new room! If I fainted no one would believe me because I've been trying to get the room changed...
6 tags
“If you get 100% on it, you’ll feel good. So it’s a feel-good test.”
– Prof. D.
7 tags
“After the sureties of youth there sets in a period of intense and intolerable...”
– F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and Damned
6 tags
“The monkey is not ‘homo sapiens’, it’s smart!”
– Prof. I.
6 tags
“Student: Why are we being filmed?
S.S.: The judge says I have to do this to...”
– S.S. (Grad Student Instructor)
January 2013
7 posts
7 tags
“Why is it called the ‘Warring States Period’? Because the Yellow...”
– Prof. C.
6 tags
“Ok, proof by democracy: raise your hand if you think it’s obvious.”
– Prof. O.
6 tags
“This class just has a way of moving along like an avalanche.”
– Prof. D.
7 tags
“I reached maturity under the impression that I was gathering the experience to...”
– F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and Damned
7 tags
“Life rose around my island like a sea, and presently I was swimming.”
– F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and Damned
7 tags
“Not to be sorry, not to loose one cry of regret, to live according to a clear...”
– F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and Damned
6 tags
“If there was one thing worse than a pun, she said, it was a person who, as the...”
– F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and Damned
(Part of the new bi-occasional series ‘CTD Lit!’)
December 2012
11 posts
6 tags
“One might think that if one didn’t know about something one would shut up.”
– Prof. G.
4 tags
“I have a dog, and I have a husband, and as long as I feed and water them, they...”
– Mrs. R.
3 tags
“Writing is like knife fighting. You do what you can to get your point across.”
– Prof. P. S. (via anothermohogirl)
5 tags
“Do dictators, when they get up in the morning, look in the mirror and say...”
– Prof. G
4 tags
“There’s probably a gay person in your extended family and if you don’t know who,...”
– Prof. (via My Thoughts For You)
6 tags
“New Zealand: They made Lord of the Rings there and there’s lots of sheep.”
– Prof. G.
4 tags
“So your final is on Thursday…Wednesday…Thurs- I don’t know, I...”
– Prof. via All You Need Is Love:
6 tags
“It’s a high risk business, being a revolutionary.”
– Prof. G.
5 tags
“Come on! Someone in here must be a first-degree murderer!”
– Prof. G.
4 tags
“There are no more communities in Southeast Asia that aren’t touched by the...”
– Prof. T.
2 tags
Hi everyone - I finally got this account back from those awful spam people so now we can all get back to the important task of making sure our comedians-slash-educators (and not the other way around) get the recognition they deserve.
September 2012
6 posts
6 tags
“Let us all take a moment and be thankful that spiders can’t fly.”
– G. M. (Grad Student Instructor)
7 tags
“Sorry, I had too many martinis for breakfast this morning.”
– Prof. L.
4 tags
Prof. I.: I just got mind-fucked, so now I'm mind-pregnant!
Student: That's where brain-children come from.
8 tags
“Raise your hand if you know where these 10-sided dice come from? Okay,...”
– Prof. H.
6 tags
“You gotta look at it and gotta figure out “What the balls?”, to be...”
– Prof. M.
4 tags
“The guy’s like “Haha I killed you and put you in the wood chipper...”
– Prof. J
August 2012
6 posts
6 tags
“I am a 4th grader drawing with crayons.”
– Prof. M. (attempting to use a tablet PC)
6 tags
“I don’t know a better way to end a Friday than a lab lecture, personally.”
– Prof. M.
5 tags
“You can stare at this reaction ad infinitum, preferably with a bottle of scotch.”
– Prof. V.
6 tags
“There’s no point in me telling you because you’re not going to care...”
– Prof. M.
4 tags
“Next lecture is going to be a shitshow. I mean… a show of questionable...”
– Prof. M.
3 tags
“You’ll just have to believe me that on the inside I’m bubbling with...”
– Prof. H.
June 2012
1 post
7 tags
Anonymous asked: Are these quotes all from one school or multiple schools?
May 2012
1 post
7 tags
“It’s actually really easy, if you think a lot about it.”
– S.T. (Grad Student Instructor) 